Monday, April 15, 2013

Lamb of God and baby Shepherd

I can't tell you how many times I have opened my blog in the last couple of months, clicked on new post, and sat staring blankly at the screen trying to figure out what to say. It's not that there is nothing new to say, it's that there is SO MUCH to say and I have no words that describe my feelings. My brain keeps whispering "Just the facts, ma'am. Keep to the facts"...but I know that will never do my feelings justice. So take a big breath people....I feel a long wind coming...

Just after my last post, we finally found a small house that we were able to get into. It has a great big back yard, (wonderful)...that needs a ton of work (poo!)...I mean "poo" as in needs fertilizer. A lot of it. It will be a challenge, but it will be great! It's great to have Nina and Levi here with us, and Levi says he is really liking the work. It makes a big difference. So right in the middle of all the moving stuff, I was taking an accounting class, and trying to pack everything and trying to pull everything together for the ward choir's Easter Program...and my friend Jen asked if I wanted to join an interfaith choir at Temple Hill to sing in a special program called "The Lamb of God". I said "sure..." Are you kidding? Like I don't have enough going on already? Something told me that I HAD to do this. I had seen it the year before and cried through almost the entire thing! It really is the most beautiful thing. So I agreed and started attending the practices. I will just tell you here right from the start, this program has been incredible to be a part of. It has made me think about the Savior and his atonement in such a personal way....I feel more drawn to Him than ever before. I have found myself singing and humming this music all day every day! It is powerful and moving and amazing. (Here is a taste of some of this inspired work)

Sometime right after that, I got a call from Kindle...she and Ben had been chosen by a birth mom for adoption. You know what this does for me right? It ties me up in knots of emotion! It's been a history that reads like a roller coaster ride when it comes to this. We have had total exhilaration, joy, and fear, most every time we hear this news. Exciting but scary...This time was no exception, and even more twists than usual. The baby was already diagnosed with CRS(Caudal Regression Syndrome)...a syndrome that is terrifying. Don't google will scare your socks off! I called Kindle and asked her, " Are you sure you want to take this on? This is too much, Kindle...maybe you need to reconsider..."(my fear was getting the better of me). But Kindle and Ben had been literally directed by the spirit to pursue this. Now I am SO glad they listened to the Spirit and not to me! The birth mom was scheduled to be induced on March 18th, but sweet baby boy came early and was born on February 28th.  He is truly a miracle boy...There is so much to this story that it would take a novel to fill in all the details.  Kindle has written more here that you should read.  But What I really wanted to get to was this....Through this whole adventure, I have been literally blessed daily with the feeling that the Savior is personally involved with this story.  I have felt his love and concern for Kindle, Ben, and Isla, and little baby Shepherd.  It has not been without ups and downs, but I have come to trust that He is in charge and has been guiding this whole process, in his own time and way.  Through this whole process, these words have been swirling through my my mind...."Here is hope....I am the resurrection and the life....Thou wilt make me whole....Gloria, for my Savior lives! and I know this man.  It has strengthened me more than you can imagine. More of the words to the music that I have been singing are these:

So trust in God through all thy days;
Fear not, for He doth hold thy hand;
Though dark thy way, still sing and praise,
Sometime, sometime we’ll understand.

The entire months of February,March, and April have been spent either on my knees praying for guidance, begging for mercy, or singing His praises.  I want more than ever to know Him who is our Savior and Redeemer...Jesus Christ.  I am so thankful for His love.

Jesus, my Savior, Lord, and King,
What greater name could e’er I sing?
What greater joy than from Thee I know?
What greater debt than mine to owe?
O how my words in vain impart
What glows within my grateful heart.
No tongue could ever right declare
What tender love is written there.
Ten thousand gifts could I employ
To show my praise, my thanks, my joy!
All of my life, yea, all my days,
Still not enough to sing Thy praise!
Ever I’ll sing Thy praise.

1 comment:

Roybn said...

Denise, it was lovely to hear your blog voice again. I hope all is well in sunny CA, so please send some of that sun our way! I have been following the story of Ben, Kindle, and little Shepherd with tears in my eyes and a prayer in my heart for their well being. What a strong girl you have raised! You should be very proud of her and the path she walks so nobly.
Get in touch with Dave and I the next time you are in Utah, we would love to see you and go to dinner with you and Rob!