Monday, February 7, 2011

I'll take "Quotable Quotes" for one thousand.....

I have been going over boxes of old photos that I brought from Ogden at Christmas time.  When we moved, I stuffed all of the loose pictures and ones that I had organized into photo boxes together into bigger boxes, which were stuffed into a unit that was basically a holding box for all the boxes of stuff that it took us 30 years to box together.  Get it?  stuff/boxes?  I know...I'll stop now.

Anyway,  I ran upon some 3x5 cards that were mixed in among the pictures.  These are not just "any" 3x5 cards.  These represent my life as a young mother like no picture could ever do.  Let me explain.  After Kindle was born, I remember being completely  and totally enamored and in love with this beautiful girl.   I had fought so hard to get her here.  She was my all.  Two seconds after that, I was frustrated, tired, pregnant again, and miserable. (believe me when I say a pattern was forming...)   I was so ill equipped.  Where was the instruction booklet for this kiddo that was so much smarter than I?  I found myself chasing her around all day saying "don't touch that, get out of there, do you want a spanking(really?  what a dumb thing to say to a kid...."sure mom....that's just what I want"...) What happened to all the love I was feeling for my little sweetheart? ...and why was she all of a sudden being so naughty?  (what I thought was "naughty" then was nothing compared to what was to come down the road in a couple of years....you know who you are.)  Regardless, I needed answers and NOW!  My sweet sister-in-law Midge* came to my rescue.

*Midge: Red-headed mother of 10, state-problem-has-answer-woman of the year. 
Mission:  Save Denise....again.

First, she listened.  She cried with me.  She hugged me, and told me I was going to be a good mother.  Then, handed me a book on child rearing.  Why didn't I think of that?  This started my obsession with books on this subject...I have 13 that I kept because they were good.  (Others are at DI.)  All I can say is that I GLEANED.  I read it over and over.  I tried every suggestion.  I wrote down quotes on 3X5 cards and taped them to the inside of my kitchen cupboard for quick reference.  That's where the 3x5's come in.  My beloved 3x5 cards.  They told me what to do, when I didn't know what to do...and helped me to hold it together.







I have kept them all these years...yellowed tape and all.   I was not a perfect mother...I remember feeling like a failure sometimes, as a mom, but I really was trying.....and I also know that every mom has that feeling at one time or another.  I don't think you have to be perfect.  I think it's a learning process...trying each day to find a little more patience, more love, more courage to go about it one more day. Even when you are tired and frustrated.  (this is the 50 year old me giving advice to the 20 year old me...)

I hope God  has a note on his wall...reminding him to be patient with me.  Because His undivided attention is what I crave...and when I am the most unlovable is when I need love the most.


5 comments:

Sammy said...

Denise I love this! What great advice and a great example. that is amazing you've kept those cards all these years

Blake said...

In life there are moments that we write down in journals and what we share with people etched in their brain. But sometimes we need to look at what we created, what we said to remind us of who we were and who we hopefully want to become. Since I can't see you on Sundays anymore to give you a hug here's one through the magic of Blogger. I loved this post.

April said...

Denise, your wisdom fills me with hope...I will makeI it...and not only that...I think that the family will have moments of joy. Denise you inspire me yet again...where are my cards? I'm going to go look. :)

Mike Baird said...

Denise, it is delightful to read your comments. Somehow I wonder how mom ever handled us. I don't think she had 3x5 cards but she sure did have a quick response for all situations. The one I remember most was "It be the back of the hand to the front of the face you be getting!" The all time great, when she was too busy to answer our questions about what she was doing, she would simple state "wigwams for ducks to peek on" or some such item from the Kings english that we did not understand. Do you remember any other ones?

Neisy said...

Oh yes..."wigwams for ducks"....brings back fond (and frustrating) memories!! HA! I found myself saying many of the same things she said to my own children...who would ever have guessed that those silly phrases would live on!
good to hear from you....